Searching for a Soul mate, may take forever.
But making a pit stop on this lonely planet only for a short while, we may find each other.
But Destiny is in the Hands of Allah as to who we Marry.
So you’ve known this sister/brother for a while now, and you’ve realized that you’ve come to love them and would like to get married to them. However, you’re stumped on what to do next. You feel guilty for feeling this way and think that you’re sinning. You have this feeling of sincere love inside you for them. You are not sure what their reaction will be. You do not know what to do, tell them how you feel or just conceal your love? You’ve realized that in all your days, every lecture you’ve attended, every book you’ve read, you haven’t been told about what to do when you feel like this. You begin to wonder what is the proper thing for me to do? You feel embarrassed to admit this feeling and feel scared to tell your friends much less your parents.
You aren’t the only out there who feels like this! Read on..
One of the most taboo subjects these days among our families and among ourselves generally, at least from what I’ve noticed is to speak about love. It has become quite a taboo where one who mentions it is seen in a different light (usually not a good one). There is this feeling of guilt when one feels this emotion and usually we are led to believe it is haram.
So the question comes, how do we deal with this feeling?
I know personally that I wouldn’t have the guts to go to my parents and tell them, “Mom, Dad, I want to get married to this sister, because I love her”. Or even if I did, I would go in wearing a helmet or something fearing the notorious backhand of doom. But this doesn’t mean that they are wrong, it is only that in our cultures this subject has become one which is not spoken about.
The fact is that we don’t hear about love in the Masajid and neither in our Halaqas. But love is something that was written books about by earlier scholars such as Ibn Hazm Al Andulusi (who is actually referred to as the Faqi of Love) who wrote Tawq Al Hamamah (Ring of the Dove) and Ibn Qayyim Al Jawziyyah wrote Rawdatul Muhibbeen (The Garden of the Lovers). So why are we shy to ask about this today and learn the Islamic viewpoint on this subject? Why do we not ask about what Allah has said about this and what Allaah’s Messenger salalahu alaihiwassalam said about this?
Note: Imam ghazaili’s book of the Two Desires is a very rich source of sufic wisdom with much more about this subject.
It says what is in the heart cant be controlled and what’s in the hand can be, that’s why there no reckoning for falling in love with a women, but it can be a disease a sickness if it affects your worship.
A disease which needs to be cured or tamed at lest. With me I remember thinking of her in my Salaat – Prayer, which made my pray difficult for me at one stage in my life. I did the Spiritual Prayer of Guidance, and I found a different girl in my dreams (the girl I was in love, wasn’t practicing or anything of that sort, the most she’d make is a great girlfriend but a bad wife) the girl I saw was a beautiful caring hijabi , that would make any man happy.
So I knew she wasn’t the one to marry. The problem with us and using Istakharah is, you sometimes want what your ego wants and Istakharah will tell you something else, and you may get very upset about it and even NOT listen to the Istakharah. I knew I wasn’t going to have her, after the Istakharah (Allah knows who is best for a wife not the ego). But feelings just not disappear in a vacuum for a person. It took some time to get over her, I could only do with Dhikr as a remedy to kill the pain. Some things are meant to be, others however you try, they wont work. I knew it, but had problems trying to let go.
The thing with Muslims who have never lived with their girl/boyfriends like kafirs do, is all you see is there pretty little faces and clothes when they came out. What you don’t see is how are they at home, if you were to live with the person you like, suddenly you may get a different picture of them. Then you may think Ahhhh.. is this the person I’m going to spend all my life with.? Have you seen them in the morning without make-up and not dressed all nice? The thing to look in a person is, what kind of wife would they be if you have children.
One Shaykh said 40 days is all you need to know if you want to get married, after that you will get Shaytan whispering doubts into your ears, but some will take only 3 days others just one day. But the maximum of 40 days, then you’ll see problems and doubts coming your way.
Someone asked me should I pray because I also have a girlfriend? I replied at lest your not the other way (Gay) he then smiled and we laughed then I said ‘yes, if anything your in much need of pray then anything, as for your girlfriend is she Muslim. Then you have two choices one marry her and make it halaal or stop wasting her time and your time and have first the intention for marriage and then find someone you like and get married’
In regards of seeing someone you like, you must take them only in a public place, this way less chance of shaytan making you, commit sexual behaviour. Make sure its not for the reason of having a girl/boyfriend or to just pass time. Stop and think would I want this person to be my partner for life. Will she or he be a good father/mother. Because looks don’t go very fast if its looks your just after, marry for Deen of course you finding them attractive, is part of getting married, but that must not be the sole reason. You must do Istakharah.
If your married and your friends are not and are looking, then its good to help them. By inviting your wife’s sister or brother in Islam to dinner and the same for the husband, invited your sister or brother in Islam to dinner.
Sometimes if your trying to get someone married to just trick them in coming to dinner or just don’t let them what your up to (playing match maker), and bring both people to dinner. They will behaviour maybe normal if they don’t already know that the person coming to dinner is some one you want them to consider in marriage. After you may throw a few hints to them, So what did you think of him or her.? And slowly throw in, would you consider marrying them? It does work, some people just need a helping hand in finding a partner.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:- Destiny is in the Hands of Allah as to Who we Marry ( there are three things that are written, your death, you wealth and who you marry) So don’t complain with your Qadr-Destiny as this is part of you Iman as a Muslim.
P/S..
Buat Farhana...selama kita berkawan orang tak hanya ikutkan nafsu dan hati orang...jauh di dalam sudut hati orang sentiasa ada batas keimanan dan perasaan sayang yang hakiki demi dunia dan akhirat disebabkan kebaikan dalam diri Farhana...orang berserah pada takdir Allah...orang hanya akan berdoa dan berdoa dan berdoa....
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